Giving Thanks

    Thanksgiving. Giving Gratitude for Our Spouse or “Favorable Life Partner.” (If there is no such person in your life presently, try applying these tips to another meaningful person, such as a relative or dear friend.)

    During my marriage to Paul, I of course referred to him as “my husband.” After he passed-on, when I began seeing Steven, he needed a different designation. I don’t like “Significant Other” whereas introducing my then 49 year old man as “my boyfriend” sounded silly.  One of my spiritual mentors suggests “Favorable Life Partner” (FLP) which I like, so I adopted that for Steve. You might like to use it also if applicable. (Steven and I married in 2015, thus he too became “husband.” Still, we strive to remain mutually favorable life partners as well). 

Dr.  Greg Smalley tells how to give gratitude.

EXPRESS THANKS
    This Thanksgiving is a perfect time to show your spouse or FLP gratitude. Dr. Smalley writes “The words ‘Thank You’ are two of the most powerful words you can say to your partner.  For thankfulness to be effective, it must be specific and it must be verbalized.”
    My comment: Try “Thank you for helping me grocery shop this week.” Or “Thank you for picking up the kids at school.” 

EXPRESS AFFIRMATION
    Dr. Smalley writes “Gratitude is about recognizing what your spouse does. Affirmation is about appreciating what your spouse is “pick one trait and tell him/her why this is important to you.”
    My comment: “I appreciate how considerate you are,” or “Your honesty is so important to me because I need that in order to trust.”

 CHERISH
    Dr. Smalley suggests making a written list of things that you cherish in your partner and giving it to him/ her on Thanksgiving.
    My Comment:  Steve and I did that years back, each writing a list of traits we like about each other, such as, sense of humor…honesty…fun to be with…attractive…courageous. 
     You might like to do that as well. (Steve and I will update ours this Thanksgiving.)

    Finally, remember in a past column that I suggested not blowing difficulties out of proportion, and presented the 20%-80% rule. That in the best of relationships 20% is difficult and $80% easy. Don’t necessarily write off your relationship because it’s difficult at times. Difficulties are an opportunity to grow. 
    Often in relationships, as soon as one thing goes wrong, everything falls apart. NO! As soon as one thing goes wrong, work to fix it. (If possible) 
    If you’d like support with any relationship issues, I highly recommend some couple or others counseling sessions. It can be invaluable in getting you from here to there. Above all, express gratitude!