Love After Divorce or Loss of a Loved One

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Kathy Horowitz facilitates a monthly women’s writer’s group at the Life
Center in Huntington.  Her work has appeared in The Long Islander, Long
Island Woman, Calyx, Blue Unicorn, and energyofnewlight.com.  She recently self-published her first collection of poems available at Huntington’s Book Revue.  Kathy offers freelance editing, writing, and proofreading
(kahorowitz@gmail.com). 
    Many of us believe, myself included, that we were meant to have “one true love” in our lifetime.  But the truth is that too often, marriages do not work out or a loved one suddenly passes away long before his or her time.  The grieving process for both divorce and loss of a loved one can take many years especially if it was a loving union.  For some, it may take a lifetime.  But wherever your path has taken you, never say never to begin a new relationship.
    Freud said that we all want to be loved.  It is innate, what we human beings search for in our relationships whether they are platonic or romantic.  Everyone wants to be acknowledged, appreciated, and communicated with.  Nobody truly wants to “go it alone.”
    It has been my experience, that after divorce, there is a pathway to finding a new and loving connection.  First, you have to be ready in order to begin a new relationship.  That is not to say that your grieving must be completed.  It is my belief that it never is, but that it does lessen over time.
    Second, you have to be willing to put yourself out there and ask the universe for what you want.  You cannot leave yourself closed to the opportunity for love if that is what you are searching for.  You must leave yourself open to it.   
    Third, you have to decide the most comfortable way for you to meet that new someone.  Whether it be a specific dating website www.eharmony.com, a meet-up www.meetup.com or a widow and widower’s bereavement group www.syjcc.org, a singles group www.7-in-heaven.com or if you are lucky enough to be introduced to someone by friends or family, the door to love, I believe, is always open.  Don’t be afraid to knock on it once or twice.
    I met my partner at a singles bowling event three years ago.  Accompanied by a friend who was also going through a divorce, I was ready to bolt out the door when I saw a group of men and women gathered around the alleys.  I admit that although I was ready to find love, I was still somewhat wary of the “game of it” again.  But my friend persuaded me to stay and, as they say, the rest is history.  We’ve been together ever since.
    When you’re ready, don’t be afraid to take that first step.  You’re not alone on this path as there are many others like you.  And you may be pleasantly surprised by whom you may meet.